Welcome to the fishbowl

You can say anything you like,
But you can't touch the merchandise!
She'll give you every penny's worth,
But it will cost you a dollar first! - "She's a Beauty" , The Tubes

Do any of you remember the song "She's a Beauty" by The Tubes? If not, here's the gist: it's basically an advertisement for a girl behind a glass. You can look all you want, but touching costs money.

I bring this up because I have found a place where every inhabitant, male or female, is behind a glass, and you can only touch them if you pay.

That place is called Match.com.

Or, as I have come to call it, The Fishbowl.

Let me relay my experience below. Granted I should probably have known better, but I thought I'd try it out, based on my previous experiences with dating sites.

I had actually met my wife (see my previous blog for details on that) through an online matching site. We were able to contach each other freely, exchange E-mail addresses and communicate without purchasing a subscription.

It seems that dating sites have wizened up in the intervening decade.

It seems despite the rise of free social sites like Facebook, MySpace, and MyYearbook (all of which I am members of, btw. Ask for me by name), Match.com, ostensibly a dating site, does not allow for any actual dating, simply because all you can do without a subscription is show interest.

By winking.

Yes, you actually wink at the user you are interested in. And, if they are also interested, they can wink back.

...and that's it.

You can wink at each other, but if you want to actually make a move, you have to purchase a subscription.

Both of you.

Only subscribers can send messages, and only subscribers can read sent messages.

There's an IM function for chat but, again, that's only available to subscribers.

This seems to me to be one giant cocktease. At best, this structure is a cynical money trap designed to siphon money from lonely hearts who are forced to pay $30 for a month's subscription to get in touch with one person, or pay a few months, at a bulk discount, of course "just in case" it doesn't work out. (Sounds to me despite their "guarantee" that they're banking on failure or, at least, a protracted search)

At worst, of course, it's prostitution. Because it's not inconceivable that these couples will have sex and, in not a small number of cases on either side of the equation, that is a primary goal. But that's cynical, even for me.

It's ironic that the banner ad for this app... excuse me, "widget" ... I'm using to enter this says "Chat for free", and,, yes, I followed it - it was a link to the Match.com widget for my Droid.

"Chat for free", my ass!

So now, I have a person interested in my Match.com profile (winked back), and we have no way of getting in touch. No workaround, no breakthrough- it's either buy a subscription or stay behind the glass.

Welcome to the fishbowl.

Now, I'm not against making money, but social sites nowadays can do the same thing Match.com does for free. Hell, MyYearbook has a much better compatibility system than Match.com, and it's available FOR FREE!!!

It's like an Onion headline I read a while ago: "Classmates.com Employees Don't Have the Heart to Tell CEO About Facebook"

One would hope that Match.com employees would be a bits more heartless toward its management.

Oh, and pearlluver2323, if you're reading this, check out my Facebook or MyYearbook profile and drop me a line. I'm interested, but it's this glass, you see...

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What I Want

Given everything I've had to surrender to get to this point, and especially considering that everything I thought, or was told by society and observed by family (which turned out to be a poor example, but meh...) that I wanted turned out to be an exercise in self-delusion that brought two lives up to the brink of collapse, realizing our mistakes not a moment too son, it occurs to me that, well, I've never actually set down what I wanted.

So... what do I want?

I want to be in control of all aspects of my life, from my body down to when I choose to buy a trinket, instead of mania, hype, and addiction creating a false sense of longing that requires immediate gratification.

I want friends that are friends. Friends that are happy to see me rather than seeing me as an inconvenience to be tolerated. Friends that call me out of the blue just to make sure I'm okay, or call me out when I'm having trouble to talk it out before I lash out.

I want a woman who is only interested in what's now instead of leveraging for the future. One who is willing to explore life and living with me, both in the outside world and the one that only exists in the mind. One to whom sex doesn't mean everything, but also to whom sex is never meaningless. One who is willing to explore all sensations possible without, within, and between.

I want to do what I love, and share that love with everyone who wants to see it. I want to be known, enjoyed, but not famous.

But most of all, I want to Love and be Loved, without expectations or requirements. This is true both individually and universally. As Jimi so eloquently said, "When the power of Love overcomes the love of power, there will be peace on Earth."

Steep demands, I know, but I have a lot mode time than I thought I did a year ago, so I am willing to wait for the right moment. Love to all. -J