What I Want

Given everything I've had to surrender to get to this point, and especially considering that everything I thought, or was told by society and observed by family (which turned out to be a poor example, but meh...) that I wanted turned out to be an exercise in self-delusion that brought two lives up to the brink of collapse, realizing our mistakes not a moment too son, it occurs to me that, well, I've never actually set down what I wanted.

So... what do I want?

I want to be in control of all aspects of my life, from my body down to when I choose to buy a trinket, instead of mania, hype, and addiction creating a false sense of longing that requires immediate gratification.

I want friends that are friends. Friends that are happy to see me rather than seeing me as an inconvenience to be tolerated. Friends that call me out of the blue just to make sure I'm okay, or call me out when I'm having trouble to talk it out before I lash out.

I want a woman who is only interested in what's now instead of leveraging for the future. One who is willing to explore life and living with me, both in the outside world and the one that only exists in the mind. One to whom sex doesn't mean everything, but also to whom sex is never meaningless. One who is willing to explore all sensations possible without, within, and between.

I want to do what I love, and share that love with everyone who wants to see it. I want to be known, enjoyed, but not famous.

But most of all, I want to Love and be Loved, without expectations or requirements. This is true both individually and universally. As Jimi so eloquently said, "When the power of Love overcomes the love of power, there will be peace on Earth."

Steep demands, I know, but I have a lot mode time than I thought I did a year ago, so I am willing to wait for the right moment. Love to all. -J