It's been a ride...

I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one. - Eminem, "Not Afraid"

I know I've been very secretive about what's been happening to me lately, and I apologize for that. The reasons are simple: The changes that were happening were happening rapidly and for the most part with no way to stop and take a breath, let alone explain. Besides which, everything was still being worked out, and it wouldn't be fair to all involved to lay things out without a proper post-mortem, as well as a clear head.

Besides that, it involves something I never do: bringing my life in the Other World (RL) into that of my online persona. Unfortunately, as often happens to those of us who live in both worlds, when one goes into chaos, the other does as well.

That chaos has subsided, things are mostly settled - that which I can control, anyway - and I have some breathing space.

So now, I will explain.

About a month and a half ago, I and my wife of eleven years came to the mutual agreement that the relationship we thought, hoped, and convinced ourselves was there simply wasn't, and hadn't been for some time - in some cases, it never was there to begin with. As a result, we have separated, and will be officially divorced momentarily.

Fortunately, the two of us are parting amicably, and are going to remain good friends. We had believed that we had some time - several months, in fact - to sort through the separation of the physical and financial connections, and we would remain in close physical proximity, with her moving closer to her work and I finding a place in town for myself so I could finally be on my own for the first time in my life.

Fate, on the other hand, had other ideas.

Several issues came up in our current residence that forced us to have to rely on friends for certain necessities, and the place where she worked suddenly closed, forcing her to move hundreds of miles away to maintain her work.

This meant that in short order, our separation period moved from several months to a few months, then from a few months to a few weeks.

The situation, it should go without saying, became very stressful in a hurry, for both of us. She became externally sad and, at times, quite emotional, since her mourning period for this huge loss for both of us was compressed so much so quickly. Blame her, I do not, but it was, and still is, hard to watch her when she starts to fall apart emotionally, knowing there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I, having never learned to handle my stress well, internalized everything, appearing externally calm, but being a literal ticking time bomb of anger and stress.

As a result, I started to marginalize the friends who were helping us because I believed, ironically, that there were attempting to marginalize me. I, who was on the verge of losing my best friend to a faraway job, began to fear that my other friends were going to shut me out and, as a result, pushed them away so that they did eventually shut me out.

Fortunately, I did have other friends who were able to help afterward, but I wanted it to be said, for the record, that I am completely grateful and appreciative of all my friends for their help, and regret how I dealt with my own life coming apart as it applies to them. I have made attempts to make amends that, thus far, has yielded nothing, nor do I have any assumption that it will.

I have made peace with this, and have decided to move on.

So what now?

Now I have a very large living space that is completely my own (it's a rental, but still...), and I will be writing a lot, since I will likely have a lot of free time. I will continue to write Humanity, Intuition, and Darkness, although the current part may be delayed for a while due to my own issues. (Writing it the first time nearly drove me insane. Rewriting it and incorporating it into this story may make me revisit that.)

I will also be working on my review vlog. I decided to start out with a simple top 10 list to start with to introduce myself and show you what to expect from me as far as attitude and sense of humor.

I will also try to keep up this blog in addition the other one on this site as sort of a bridge between the character you see and the person I am.

I hope this post sufficiently explains where I've been and gives an idea of where I'm going. If not, ask me something by e-mail and I may answer.